And we’re not talking about cradle-robbing either (you’re welcome, Rene).
On Monday afternoon, a 36-year-old sane man named Daniel was detained by police after breaking into the singer’s Montreal mansion while she and her family were on vacation. After unknowingly tripping the alarm, Dan reportedly ate some snack cakes from the fridge, scribbled a few notes on the office’s designated Post-its, panty-sniffed, bed-rolled, and lastly, began to draw himself a bath. Said houseguest was apprehended by police after a confused confrontation during his decent down the stairs, during which he inquired, “Hey guys, what are you doing here?” Later questioning brought to light the fact that Dan believed he was a friend of the Dion family, though the Dions claimed they’d never seen him, yada, yada.
Poor Dan. We know how it feels to be forgotten by your famous friends, even if some consider your friendship voyeuristic stalking. What about that time that you wiped clean the smudges on their living room window, or picked up that penny they dropped while in disguise at the farmer’s market? Talk about ungrateful. And don’t worry, we’re sure you’ll have another opportunity to bathe in Evian– hell, come to Hollywood and we’ll find you liquid diamonds.