In honor of Father’s Day this Sunday, we thought we’d comb the lowest pages of Pop Society to devise a comprehensive list of embarrassing celebrity dads we should all be thankful we don’t have.
Because my dad might shop at the local Western Wear for new jeans, but at least he eats a hamburger with some dignity.
Below, see your life as the offspring of one of these four celeb dads.
As one of Saget’s three children, the “that’s not my dad” mutterings you seek to quiet are superseded by the sound of laugh tracks from syndications of a handful of family programs, including the ironically titled ‘90s staple, “America’s Funniest Home Videos.” Also not so funny was your dad’s decision to culminate his already nauseating stint as Mr. Tanner on “Full House” by verbally molesting his onscreen daughters in a series of standup acts.
As if all of this weren’t bad enough, Bob was under the impression last month that the White Sox‘s proposition for him to sing the national anthem was serious.
As one of Hulk’s kids, your other parent is Linda Hogan.
Next, in between quarrels with teens angered by his role in their salon’s Mystic Tan droughts, your retired dad now stars in “leaked” sex tapes with women whose identities he cannot recall. BECAUSE IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME.
As one of Vanilla Ice’s offspring, your name could be Dusti Rain, and with the real last name of Van Winkle, you have no choice but to be the next big thing in children’s bedtime books.
As one of The Hoff’s kids, you either taped and publicized this burger-assault video yourself or you condoned your sibling completing the process. Despite an almost forty-year television career, your dad’s most dedicated fans are confused in Germany, listening to a slew of self-parodied musical tracks.
Your dad is now back on the self-proclaimed “Hoff train,” in familiar swim shorts, with the release of the soon-to-be Razzie hit, “Piranha 3-DD.”
Now, didn’t all of this put those outdated Wranglers into perspective?